Internal dialogue, externalized

Myopic Mindset and Marathon Race

“Stop acting so small.
You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Recently traveled to Dubai and I choose this airline, not sure why, might be because they were sponsoring the football team I love or because heard loud screams of how they scored a hat trick for best in-flight entertainment!! Was traveling business class, so was a little full of myself; Well I have arrived in life, so let me be a bit condescending to all and sundry!

The good news first, the in-flight attenders took excellent care and enjoyed a fantastic service; But! ….there has to be a but! the ground staff of the airline had this frozen expression whenever I approached them be it in India or Dubai, no smiles, no curtsy, to a large extent they were brazenly curt;

At Dubai on my return journey after loads of over squeezed meetings (the mindset of trying to get maximum out of a trip) I was worn-out; looked like a rat that just survived a tumble in a washing machine with a dryer! at the airport I trooped in and approached a counter of dazzling brilliance, specifically, designated for business class travelers; the staff was smiling and nodding to this cologne spilled white male, as he moved on, I stepped near the counter; she froze seeing me and curtly told to check in at a different counter; she had some reason of how I got to a wrong counter, but the curtness made me blink my myopic eyes;

At the business lounge, the staff were no different, staring and stiff, I fidgeted from deciding whom to approach as everyone was looking over/through me; finally approached one counter to be brusquely told that trolley is not allowed inside; hesitated for a second, pondered whether I should tell her regarding my shoulder ache; it felt wasted with her already looking over me and inviting someone with more pleasantness; turned around to see a white couple approaching the counter;

Stooped into the lounge tired, looked for a dark, quiet, unambiguous corner and slouched trying to melt into oblivion; As I slowly drifted wondered what is it that made the staff treat me less pleasant or favorable; why was I on their wrong side or was I imagining?

One no-brainer conclusion i came up was , perhaps i being an Asian or it can also be that I crossed forty-five some time back and looked my age! Or it might be because I do not color my mop of grey hair, or my unpainted lips or conservative dress or looking very much a working women or my tired looks, it might be any of them or all of them??!!

When you are on the wrong side of so many molds, it is difficult to say which is the cause, or what/where the trigger is, discrimination, hierarchy perceived, transference, counter transference, projection from them or me?!

OR……..might be, it just me being prickly, which is the right side when you are on the wrong side of 40!!

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