Internal dialogue, externalized

Meandering the Mirage

Mythreyi dabbed the rose water dipped cotton wool delicately on her cheeks and then splashed moisturizer on her face. The phone rang; she ignored as she slowly applied the primer with her fingers. The soft music from her living room music system was wafting towards her.

The phone rang again. She looked at it with mild irritation. It was Prakash, he would not stop until she responded. So, she picked the call, swallowing her exasperation. ‘Hellooo dear what’s up?’ she asked as she focused on the brush and applied nude foundation over her face, deftly blending it onto the neck. He invited her to come to the hotel for a dinner and a little bit of flirting after that. He was married and was known in his circles as the doting ideal husband, as if such a creature exists?! For her this worked fine as he had no guts to go beyond flirting; even if it pinched him. She rolled the concealer below her eyes, picked up the lip-liner to draw a line on her full lips, while pondering what to do. She has promised Ranjeet she will spend some time with him. He was the deep intellectual thinker, heavy on philosophy with a lazy accent. He was ok, but stupid enough in wanting to convert his boring wife into some cerebral creature.

All these married men are a good bet, they won’t bug her about marriage, coming home, staying over or cooking.  She picked a delicate rose blush lip colour and applied it on her lips. They looked moist and full, she was happy. Over the years, she had mastered the art of applying makeup in a jiffy. The art was in making it look natural.

She nudged Prakash to move their rendezvous to the next day. ‘Helps to make it difficult for them’, she thought sagely. There are cheap thrills of faking, teasing and playing, but beyond that is the deep joy of controlling the men and their cluelessness. As she slipped into her dress, she felt a faint ache. She quickly killed it with a gulp of wine. As she slipped into her gold toned shimmery pointed-toe pumps, she applied single spritz of her favorite perfume. Quickly she pull her car out, and was on her way to meet Rajesh.

The evening was breezy, interluding with intellectual sound bites. As the evening rolled into night, she felt the familiar ache in her stomach, somewhere deep in. After all the wine and dine, there was no completeness. But, does another human complete us?  The makeup slowly started to fell heavy and tardy. She kissed him on the cheek, closer to his lips and took her leave. She wanted to reach home before the dryness settled in. Once in her room, she removed her make-up swiftly. A haunting ache started wallowing her, a feeling of drowning in the now familiar black pit, dull and empty.

As her tired eyes started to sink into a disturbed sleep, her mind was wandering beyond sleep………can you lose in a game even when you control the play and outcomes? Can you? is it possible? can you fail while you win?

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